![]() ![]() Ive had thoughts of suicide plenty of times … its a constant pain that washes over me and its to the point were ive gotten on my knees before bed and actually prayed to god to please help me get through this(not an atheist but i dont flaunt religion in peoples faces) … Its been 3 years… almost 4 in a month or so & i feel as it were yesterday and it really hurts deep down like at the core of my chest …. I dont exagerate when i say i will probably cry over this for the rest of my life … and though it sounds crazy thats how i am i guess -to sensitive and never good enough I try to get her out of my head but my mind likes to imagine things… things that only hurt me … i imagine her happy with someone else and its a mixture of jealous+tears that wont come out= that pain in your throat when u have to cry… its aweful ![]() I dont know what i did wrong … im shy when it comes to dating and stuff of that nature … i have a few friends which seem to have dissapeared with time … i go through life just thinking about this person and how im not good enough for her or anyone else i feel like im lonely but i dont want to be with anyone… i crave to be alone and to just cry because the one person i gave everything too basically says im not good enough… after we dated i saw her with someone else, that hurt me the most and when i think about her i see that guy standing next to her … well in my situation i no longer see this person at all … before we dated we talked for a few months … we dated for 2 years then she left me and it feels like she took my heart with her …. Im a guy in highschool at the time … i feel this way too, you say he gives you “mixed signals” …. I just hope and pray for the day that I’ll say ‘I don’t love you anymore’ and I’ll be sure in both my heart and mind that it’s true, but right now all I can do is wait I guess, wait for that special day and I can’t wait till that day arrives, cause after all, I deserve to be happy as well. ![]() Why can’t I get what I want? You’re the thing I’ve ever wanted most in my life and I can’t have you. I NEED to move on, it’s the only way I can find happiness again but it’s so much easier said than done. What else can I do? Sometimes I feel like I’m losing my mind. I feel so weak, talking like this about a person, especially about a boy who I’m certain doesn’t feel the same way. I know you moved on, then why do you send me mixed signals most times? Or maybe I imagine them as mixed signals just because I crave your attention so much. It makes me feel like such a failure, because everything I do to forget you isn’t good enough, not even for myself. You’re out there, living the life you want, and I’m here, stuck, always falling back into the same hole no matter what I do. Why? I ask myself this question so many times during the day. We didn’t even get the chance to kiss, and yes kisses do make two people closer. Why is it so hard to forget you? Yeah, we were close, but I’ve got many other people who I’m just as close, but they never replaced you in my heart, I don’t know why. You know well how close we were and how much I trusted you, why do you do this? I know you moved on and I should do so too, but just checking up on me won’t hurt anyone, actually it would make me feel a whole lot better cause I know that at least what we went through means a little tiny bit to you next to how much it means to me. You don’t feel the same way, I’m curious if you’ve even ever felt the same way because if you loved me as much as I did, you’d at least show me that you care from time to time, not just ignore me like I never even existed and like what happened between us never really happened. ![]() My feelings for you make me feel so weak, cause yeah, you’re my worst weakness. I always end up in the same hole every single time I hate it so much. why can’t I just forget you? I’ve tried literally everything. Why can’t I just forget you like I forgot every other boy in my life? You’re not my first and neither my last relationship, but I forgot all the other. It’s been over for a long time now, I don’t know why I’m still hoping, it’s such a waste of time. So tired of thinking about you, having dreams about you. I’m so tired of being sad because of you. This pain in my heart, it’s been here for more than a year and I can’t stand it anymore. ![]()
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